I wrote a story on love but never got to complete it.

I was in 6th grade when I first fell in love, at least others think I did. I wrote about it a lot but now when I think about it, I feel it was just a crush. I was never humiliated, at least not in public but some people whom I thought were my friends never left a chance to make me feel that way after they knew. I am happy they were there, I did not take the wrong step or chase the wrong people because of them. They were fine humans but maybe they could not control being a bit mean to me, I must have been wrong to them in some way.

It was in 12th grade when I fell into the same trap again. In 11th grade, I realized I enjoyed my life to the fullest by being alone, but life has its ways, it made me realize that I can never be fully free. I chose this for myself and I failed at it, yet again. I have never been a winner and I don’t think I’ll ever be. Not because I do not have the potential but because I do not dare to do it all. I let everything go but this time with a little more drama in the main course.

But now I am not sure if I have ever actually let anything go. When I entered college I had everything in my hands unlike now. But at first, it felt like I was chasing the right things and no one could stop me from anything. I had no space for love but that doesn’t mean I never tried. I am here after many trials and errors. All the efforts to feel something in return were in vain because now I forgot what it meant to be in love. They all seemed fake and I was the biggest fraud of them all.

I tried to change every day, for my own good, I even reached there for a bit but then the demons in my head dragged me down, day by day. I framed a love story after every try. Every time I thought, this was it but I knew in my heart that it would never be. The standards I had despite being average myself…. Gosh, they are high. For friends or mates, I do not give a discount.

I have learned the hard way that really, you never should. Never give up on your love stories or yourself. They might not happen for you but losing hope in them will not bring you any good either. So, here’s me writing after what feels like a decade about the chances I took and the regrets that I tell I do not have but still feel the heaviness on silent nights.

You will have those days and nights, you will never get past your demons, and you will never realize who your real friends and partners are but one thing is for sure, between all this uncertainty you have to be certain about what you don’t want in life because adding things to your life is easy but removing them is what that takes a hell lot of time.

And no, no matter how much they tell you, you never get over it. Not completely. Not really.

P.S. - The title might not go with what I have written but you get the point, right? it’s not complete so anyway it never would have made sense but all I can say is, that not all manifestations come true and even if they do then it wouldn’t be in the way you would want them to be. So stop reading this shit I vomited. Go and write your own beautiful stories, Good Night!!