The Perfect You.
It’s not a tale but a story. Why story? Hold on to me and you will understand what I believe or at least imagine which now seems impossible to believe. But it will be, once you start.
It might not have a beginning or an end. But you have me and the Perfect you. If I tell you what the perfect you meant to me you might not believe but let’s see, if it’s worth it. The perfect you was there when she left me on my first birthday. Of course, the first one with her. You were there cheering, popping balloons and eating my piece of cake and then smearing it on my face. I knew in that moment that I missed her and you were ignored.
Do you remember that first ride to the beach? the perfect you was there, standing quietly. I was still with her, she drank a lot that day, you were having your coke in the corner but when it came to helping me with carrying her to the room. The perfect you tagged along. Dil kamzor tha mera, uske liye.
I was sitting there right in front of her room whole night and you, not like a crazy stalker but a simple friend sat there. Was I not suppose to melt there? and she screamed, I went inside. Tum wahi rahe,khade,mushkurate.
Uss raat ke baad se din guzarate gaye. Kahani khatam hone ke liye shuru bhi toh honi chahiye? Toh abhi aap thehriye, main aage bhi batati hu.
When that day passed, you weren’t there. It was the first time in a long time that you, weren’t there. But I had her and she was least bothered about you, her best friend. I still remember the first day we met, you were there, right in front of me again with your coke in a corner but at that time with a friend. You seemed happy, content and in a cheerful mood that day. I wanted to approach you but then came she, much more beautiful than anything or anyone I had ever seen. People told me you both were best friends. I was awestruck by both of the creations standing right in front of me but I had to go for one, that is what something I decided because it’s been long, since I have been ignoring the urges inside me to be with a perfect you but I went for her.
The night was long and you seemed not so cheerful now. I am a person who can never give herself enough credit and that’s the reason I was not going to believe that, your dullness was because of my choice of the company that night. You stood their with your friend but this time with a whiskey instead and I slept right there in front of you on the couch. Just when you could have carried me, you allowed her to do the same and made me watch that stillness in your face that I couldn’t bear in that moment.
It sounds like a silly rom com man. I wouldn’t do that with you all. Let’s start again and let me tell you that the Perfect you is my imagination and the she is his best friend and I am the third person in love with both of them. You got it right. I am bisexual and I love them both but can be with only one. Although, I have always believed that there is nothing wrong in loving two people with that same level of depth and intensity. The perfect ‘ him ’ was always my imagination. A person with a passionate heart and a simple character but there is a saying that, you always fall for the wrong one, and now I know why, your urges man. Those hormones rushing all over the place just when you see a body better than yours but in my case, it was the same sex because the opposite sex was always there with me, helped me but I could never leave ‘her’ for ‘him’. Idiot me, should never have been to that party. Made me stand between a cross road half my life.
A part of me always needed her but then the other cried for him. While all she wanted was my body, he was there to look in my eyes directly. Confusing me again and again and making me desperate for a different decision. He knew one day or another, I will give up and just like that, 15 years passed. Watching each other passing through the corridors because the “best friends” wanted to live in the same house. I watched his wedding, was the best man’s woman. I watched him paint, bathe, write, sing, row, swim, read, kiss, dance with all our kids. Yes, I saw it all but would you believe, in that 15 years of a lifetime that we spent together yet apart, not a single time even our little finger’s touched?
You want to know, why? because doesn’t matter whom you are with, whom you shared a family with. I spent my whole life watching my Perfect you. He saw me doing all the same things that I saw him doing but we lived apart because we knew one thing that, there are people in this world who meet the love of their lives, live with them, get married to them, have kids and think that this was where they were supposed to be but, one moment in their life, maybe on their death bed they realize that the roommate they were sharing their hospital room with was the, ONE. Boom, they are shattered but we knew that it won’t happen to us. Because we were the soulmates, who never got married, never told each other how much they meant or loved each other yet together building two different families, loving two different people. Not cheating on them but still loving each other till the end.
I know it might not make sense to you right now or maybe never but I promised to tell you and that’s how I met my impossible yet imaginable, loveable but not touchable, was in my soul but couldn’t be my soulmate, my, The Perfect You.
P.S.- That’s how I told my story without a beginning or an end just a story to tell. You might read more about my Perfect You because I have a lot of thoughts about them, Bie.
